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That’s the conclusion of the ridiculous point of view you’re aligning yourself with. If you don’t like it then stop doing that.

You can say I don’t have kids as many times as you like but that doesn’t make it true. You’re accusing me of all sorts of things and yet you’re making things up and convincing yourself that you know what the truth is. You clearly don’t. If you can’t tell that I’m mad at the GOP and everyone enabling this bullshit, including this cowardly woman, then you’re not listening to that either. Enjoy your delusional world in which cowardice is bravery and lies are the truth.

You’re right, I’m white and I can blend in with the fascists if I need to. Why should I stick my neck out to help someone else? All the cool kids are abandoning their countrymen so I better get with the times.

Yeah, we should be encouraging everyone to leave huh. That will surely help us fix things. Fuck the people saying that we should help each other fight fascism. Those guys are conservative trolls.

Do you even listen to yourself or are you so caught up in the chase for dopamine that you’ll say whatever stupid shit you need to to get upvotes?

It’s pretty funny that you think I don’t have kids just because you can’t imagine what it would be like to not be afraid all the time. If your fucked up view of things leads to the conclusion that leaving the country is “putting your money where your mouth is” in the context of fighting fascism then I hope to god you don’t live anywhere near me. That’s a hilariously bad take and you know it.

I have two kids but that doesn’t make any difference. You don’t need to have kids to understand that running away from fascists doesn’t work. Being a parent doesn’t change any of the facts on the ground. If anything it makes adopting my point of view more urgent.

You’re making an emotional appeal to our natural instinct for survival. Well, history tells us that the longer we wait and the fewer of us stand and fight the harder it will be to win so how does your admonition to empathize with this woman help increase the chance that my kids will survive? The answer is that it doesn’t. Every person that leaves makes it that much more likely that I’ll have to be one of the people to die fighting fascism in America or that my kids will be casualties in that war. Instead of asking me to empathize with her why aren’t you asking her to empathize with the people who can’t leave? Those are the people I have empathy for. Not some privileged academic who didn’t even stick around long enough to hold up a sign at a protest.

You’re jumping through an awful lot of hoops to try and paint obviously cowardly behavior as something else. My question is why? I’m the one advocating that we should all fight for those of us who can’t fight for themselves. This lady could fight but chose not to because she was afraid of what might happen to her and her family. Which one of those attitudes do you think is more necessary right now? Which one of us would you rather have in your local community? You may not like the blunt nature of my comments but in case you haven’t noticed we’re well past the point that polite conversation is part of the required solution. I certainly don’t know everything but I do know that this lady isn’t going to show up when shit hits the fan in your town, but someone like me might. Maybe you should spend some time thinking about that fact.

You can call me what you like but at the end of the day I’m pretty much the only one in this thread advocating for people to stand up for their neighbors. If that makes me a psycho what does opposing that viewpoint make you?

You’re right, I should move to Canada and tell you guys how to do stuff that I’m too afraid to do myself. That’s the most helpful thing that I could do.

If that were true you wouldn’t be responding

Oh stop making excuses for cowards. I’m tired of hearing it. You guys on Lemmy are supposed to be the principled people who think about the deeper problems facing society and are willing to make some sacrifices to solve those problems and even you are stumbling all over yourselves to justify throwing your morals away in favor of a few more years living as a refugee. This country was founded on the belief that fighting tyranny was worth dying for and if you’ve all abandoned those ideals to the point that you’re willing to run away from an 80 year old fascist and his band of hillbilly supporters then America is already dead. You might as well give up now because you clearly don’t have what it takes to fight at all, much less win.

No one else in America has kids huh? Her kids are the only ones that matter in this equation. Get the fuck out of here with that GOP “but think of the children” logic

Everything is wrong with that and if you don’t see that then maybe I should move to Europe and leave you all to fend for yourselves. Your attitude of “fuck everyone else, I’m getting out of here” seems to be the prevailing sentiment in this thread and if that’s the case then there’s no point in fighting because you guys won’t do shit for each other thinking like that.

I know what the situation is. Run away then if that’s your plan, see how that works out for everybody else. But then, if you’re the kind of person who would run then you never cared much for them to be begin with, or at least your care didn’t translate into meaningful action on their behalf which is the same thing from a functional perspective.

I don’t know you or your situation at all so specific advice is difficult to give but since you asked I will share a few things.

1. Don’t make him feel bad about having a life outside of your relationship.

This can be tricky as any relationship should entail a fair amount of time spent with your partner but I know far too many men who feel like their SO starts a fight with them anytime they want to hang out with their friends or even do something alone. Obviously they shouldn’t be regularly canceling plans with you to do these things but assuming there is a reasonable amount of joint activity going on you should be supportive of and even encouraging him to go do stuff without you from time to time. Occasional time apart is good for everyone.

2. Express yourself clearly and out loud.

One of the most common complaints I hear from men in relationships with women is that they feel like they get in trouble for things that they didn’t know were important to their partners. Men are not generally as in tune with the subtle side of communication. You may think you communicated indirectly but very clearly but often times the signals get missed. If you find yourself frustrated with something he’s done or not done ask yourself if you actually said out loud what you wanted or expected to happen. If not, try to tell him calmly and directly what you want and see what happens before you get upset with him.

3. Find something he likes or enjoys and do it for / with him regularly.

This is a simple way to ensure your partner knows you care about them. It doesn’t really matter what the thing is. It could be cooking a meal, playing a game together, something sexual, going to the park, etc. Find at least one thing that gives him joy and make that thing happen consistently. Once a week seems like a reasonable frequency to shoot for but that’s heavily dependent on the specific context.

Clearly this is not an exhaustive list but I think anyone who has a partner that thinks about ways to improve their life / relationship in a similar fashion to the suggestions above is going to have a pretty solid foundation to build on. At their core, those suggestions are about trust, communication, and appreciation. Those are some of the most important aspects of any relationship. If you can find a way to let your partner know that you value those things you’ll be in good shape.

You started this conversation by saying that I’m making armchair judgements about this person. If you understand how serious the situation is and you agree with what I’ve said about what our response should be then you should be annoyed with her for running away while preaching about the danger we’re in too. If my house is on fire don’t lecture me from a safe distance about how to spot the smoke earlier, grab a fucking bucket.

I don’t need to know anything about this person to know that leaving is the cowards choice. She’s telling everyone else who can’t leave that they aren’t as important and they have to sort this out without her. Don’t try to spin that as some sort of noble act. We win together or we lose apart. I don’t want to hear any lectures on history or morailty from people who would rather save themselves than help their fellow citizens.

I don’t think that’s true at all but even if it were, sitting in an armchair in America is more helpful than sitting in an armchair in Canada which is what this lady is doing.

I’m well aware of the potential outcomes of this situation and if anything that makes her decision more cowardly. Every person that leaves is telling those who can’t leave that their lives are less important, that I was on your side for as long as I believed it wouldn’t cost me anything to say so. That’s some fair-weather friend bullshit if I’ve ever heard it.

You can defend her decision if you like but I am choosing to stay and fight, whatever that ends up meaning, despite having the means and ability to leave and you will never convince me that that isn’t the decision every truly patriotic American should be making too.

It’s not about being tough physically it’s about deciding not to run away. I’ve seen pictures of 100 year old men, blind people, and folks in wheelchairs at these protests. If they can do it then an able bodied middle aged woman can too. She’s choosing not to because she’s afraid and that is the definition of cowardice whether you like it or not.